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What do I look like, Google glass?

“How long does this nuke?”

What do the instructions say?

“Can’t you just tell me?”

Even when I’m mad, I’m not that mad

“You can’t fool me, Mom

You still think I hung the moon.”

Yeah. But upside-down.

It’s not wise to rub salt in the wound

“Big Deal. I forgot.
Mother’s Day’s overrated”
So is dinner, dude

 

I don’t think you’re understanding the concept

Today’s Mother’s Day

“No joke? I had no idea.

So what’s for breakfast?”

Ignorance is bad parenting. It’s also one more hour of uninterrupted writing time.

“It’s my teacher’s fault.”

What are we talking about?

“Nothing. Never mind.”

Next time I’ll pull slang terms from the urban dictionary

“When you talk like that

It’s so embarrassing, Mom!”

I said, hello, Dude

It’s just milk that’s chill

What’s with the ice cream?

Dinner is in ten minutes

“And your point is what?”

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