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Tag Archives: kids

And I’m not afraid to cut a b****

Clean your room or I’ll

Take the Swimsuit Edition

And hold it hostage

I’d sneeze in your food, but I’d just have to take care of you afterwards

“Feeling better Mom?”

Fever’s gone and I can breathe.

“Great. What’s for dinner?”

I wouldn’t have to nag you to do your homework

Class registration

It’s a shame they don’t offer

AP Power Nap

That’s what I call mindless eating

“It’s Valentine’s Day?”

The three bags of candy hearts…?

“Never crossed my mind.”

At least it was only a two-hour delay this time

Dear Mother Nature,

From one mom to another

Go **** yourself. Twice.

And I could be Joan Crawford

“Count your blessings, Mom.

I could be Shia LaBeouf”

And you’d be grounded

When, not if?

“We massacred them.”

Isn’t that unsportsmanlike?

“Only when we gloat.”